Finally seeing the metaphor for life and love

On Friday night the rerun of the movie Groundhog Day was playing on the television. I suggested my kids watch it for a laugh, not thinking I would watch it again. I hated, I repeat HATED the movie the first time I saw it 18 years ago. I couldn’t get what all the fuss was about. The story was about a man, played by Bill Murray, reliving the same day, Groundhog Day, over and over again. As I watched it again, so many years later, I marveled at all that I had missed the first time around.

The movie, I realized, was filled with metaphors, representing the series of acts within our life’s larger drama. Bill Murray’s character starts out as a boorish, self-centered, miserable person. When he meets the woman of his dreams, played by Andie MacDowell, he is drawn to improve himself to “get the girl”. At first he just wants the quick satisfaction of a romantic interlude, but soon realizes that a deeper, more intimate relationship is what he really desires. He learns through trial and error, day after day, that he must work hard to improve all aspects of himself to win her love.

It was only through his own experiences with suffering, self awareness, acceptance and finally service to others that he evolves from Scrooge to Gandhi. The motivation and reward for his conscious awakening was love. Often romantic love, parental or other love bonds can help propel the soul to evolve. I experienced this in my own life with my husband, Bob, who died over a year ago.

When I met Bob, for the first time in my life, I let my heart lead. I consciously abandoned rational thought and let myself fall head-over-heals in love with him. Until then, I had lived my life from the neck up. A deep voice inside me urged me to let go, just this one time, to really feel. As I did let go, I felt my heart expand and with it, my whole life and everything in it expanded.

From letting go, I gained a partner who saw me, the true me, the deeper me beyond my physical form, social status or personality quirks. I saw something so beautiful reflected in his eyes that I felt an urge in me to become that reflection. Bob’s love called me to be the best I could become, not the small separate self, but the higher me, the whole me.

I believe our story was written long before we were both born. We made a commitment on a soul level to help awaken each other. He helped me throughout our lives together to mature emotionally and evolve consciously. I realize now that this commitment didn’t die with him. My husband’s love continues to draw me upwards to embody spirit, in some way to be closer to him. As I transcend to higher states of being, I am able to continue to feel his love and to be in his presence. Grief has been my lubricant for transcendence and his love continues to be my guide.

The first time I watched Groundhog Day was before I had met Bob. Now, almost two decades later, its message resonates with me strongly. I believe this is evidence of how Bob’s love has helped me evolve.

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