By Debbie Must

Valentines Day is a reminder to us all that we need to honor the loving connection that we have with our spouse. Celebrating this occasion is one sure way of keeping our love and passion alive. For the connection to remain strong all year long, we need to keep our marital flame burning. This may seem a daunting task in these busy times, yet there are couples who manage to do just that.

Successful couples equally commit to ensuring that their marriage thrives rather than just survives and together they transform the ordinary into the extraordinary.

A glowing example of a strong connection shines in the relationship between my friends John and Nathalie. Together, they lead a program called The Marriage Course. Their efforts help to equip couples with the tools and skills needed to build a strong and healthy marriage that will last a lifetime. Fortunately, they were willing to share their recipe for success with us, a gift that can help each of us deepen the connection to our own spouse.

Nathalie and John’s journey together started in 1984 when they met at work. There was a mutual attraction that had them equally interested in exploring a relationship. They soon discovered that they were a great fit and decided to tie the knot. Twenty four years and three children later, they are living proof that marriage, like a fine wine, can get better with age.

Nathalie and John will honestly admit that there have been a few bumps along the way but the fact that they are equally committed to their marriage is the key to its success.

Marriage is not 50-50, says Nathalie. It’s 100-100. You need to make a conscious effort to serve each other daily. It’s often in the small things that you do, not relying on the lavish displays.

Nathalie and John

Nathalie carves out time in her busy life to send John loving emails, prepares special meals and often asks John how she can support him when he seems burdened. “I realize that it’s also important to choose my words carefully and not lay blame when we are working through an issue,” she says. “We have learned that a solution can always be found if we are both willing to compromise.”

Nathalie’s romantic gestures include:

  • Bake heart shaped cookie bouquet and have a colleague put it on John’s desk at work.
  • Memory Jar- 365 things that he’s done to make her smile over the years. Things she loves about him.
  • Writing out I Love you in 200 languages.
  • Picked up the kids from school on Valentines Day and met him at work with heart shaped balloons and a lunch that they ate together in the boardroom.

John also realizes the importance of keeping their love alive. He will surprise Nathalie with loving notes on her windshield when she least expects it or other similar gestures of affection. “Nathalie always puts me and the family first,” says John. “She is a model for me and I like to seek out ways to do the same for her.”

Several years ago, when celebrating their wedding anniversary at a Senegalese restaurant, John popped in earlier that day to decorate their table with framed wedding pictures, flowers and candles. He has also replaced restaurant menus with loving and romantic tributes to his wife.

I like to find unique and original ways of surprising her, says John. She always puts that little something extra into the things that she does and that inspires me to do the same.

Both Nathalie and John attest to the fact that it is work and not magic that keeps their marriage strong. Strengthening our connection by working through challenges, honoring each other and remembering to give that unexpected hug, will keep the loving energy flowing well beyond February 14th.